Prussia and the internet
by WOKgeotobi
Summary: Gilbert has too much time on his hands and spends it talking to everyone MSN.
1. Dammit Poland!

**Prussia and his internet**

Prussia was having a bad day. You could say that, or you could say he was having a bad life. Everything started off so well. A big empire, nice trade opportunities, plenty of wars. But that's when It all went downhill. By the end of world war two, everything Prussia had was gone. Even his name. Just like that. The almighty Prussia reduced to human status. Gilbert. That was his name now. But he had had 60 years to get used to this, and to tell the truth being a nation was annoying and troublesome anyway. He liked being just Gilbert. It had its personal freedom. While Germany, or West as he liked to call him, spent day and night working on paperwork and planning trade conferences, Gilbert did whatever he liked with no responsibilities. But when a former nation stops being a nation it leaves a lot of time on their hands. Too much time. While other nations occasionally used technology when they had the time, Gilbert became reliant on it. The internet WAS a big place. And hell if he wasn't going to explore it all!

So after his bad day, all he wanted to do was surf the internet to distract himself, maybe even write In his blog. He logged on his account, typing in his password A. W. E. S. O. M. E. then waited for the internet to load. While he waited, his MSN messenger came up on his screen.

_**Poland-is-a-bastard:**_

_Hi._

Gilbert looked at his screen. Toris? Well, at least he might get some descent conversation.

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Sup?_

_**Poland-is-a-bastard:**_

_YOU WILL NOT BELIVE WHAT POLAND DID! :(_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Started a nuclear strike on Canada, causing America to retaliate by sending a nuke back, but the nuke missed and hit china instead, who retaliated and started WW3 by destroying all of Europe in a giant massacre? :D_

_**Poland-is-a-bastard:**_

_No. Worse._

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Worse?! D:_

_**Poland-is-a-bastard:**_

_He gave Russia my MSN address and now he won't stop bugging me T-T_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_That all? :\ Just block him._

_**Poland-is-a-bastard:**_

_YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!! I tried to but he found out and I had to unblock him or... well... it's Russia were talking about!! D: He would kill me!!! And now he won't go away._

**Vodka3 has just signed in.**

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_I know what you mean, Ivan is such a Crazy Pysco!! Sometimes I wonder if he just disappeared would anyone miss him!?_

_**Vodka3:**_

_Ah, Gilbert. That's so nice of you :)_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Did I say Ivan!? I meant Austria!!!! Sorry. Typo._

_**Vodka3:**_

_Of course, I understand :).But if you're not careful with your typos I may end up smashing your face in with a pipe. ;D_

_**Vodka3:**_

_Woops! Typo!!OMG How funny. I make a typo just after you, what are the odds? u_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Lol. Yeah. Weird. hahaha._

_**Vodka3:**_

_Liet! Guess what! I'm coming over to your house to deliver your birthday present! :D_

_**Poland-is-a-bastard:**_

_But my birthday was 3 months ago?_

_**Vodka3:**_

_I know._

**Vodka3 has just signed out.**

_**Poland-is-a-bastard:**_

_Oh no. This is bad. I think that I shou%$&SCXSDFHCS%"XFDvhc gvcs£$cCHFcxsfJ cs%$£ehxsd\_

**Poland-is-a-bastard has just signed out.**

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Toris?_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_TORIS!?! D:_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_LITHUANIA!?!?D:_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Oh, stuff this. I'm going to bed._

**Wurst-of-awesomeness has just signed out.**

_**_________________________________________________________________________________________________**_

**This story will be about be all about Prussia and the conversations he gets into on the internet making a mini story. :D If you have any suggestions for specific**** convos you want then reveiw and tell me! Or if you just want to tell me that i suck and you hate me then review as well!**_**  
**_


	2. How dare that little

Gilbert woke up to Germany standing over him with a duster in his left hand, a dustpan in his right, and a glare on his face.

"It's Wednesday." Germany hissed at him.

"So?" Gilbert replied, still groggy with sleep.

"You were meant to clean the house last Friday."

"Chill. I'll get round to it, I've just been busy."

"Busy sleeping and watching TV?"

"Exactly." Germany sighed.

"I'm very busy with my own work, and it would be nice to come home to a clean house. Maybe even have you cook me dinner for once. Could you at least put some effort in to help me without just complaining!? Every day I work from 7 till 9 doing paperwork and meetings with no breaks and you just sit and do nothing!"

"Nag, nag, nag! FINE! I'll do it, just quit your whining."

"Thank you." Germany smiled and left the duster and dustpan on Gilbert's dresser as he left the room.

Eventually he got out of bed himself and went down stairs to eat some breakfast. When he finished he dumped his bowl in the ever growing pile of dishes needing washing up, then stared at the mess in the living room that he was supposed to clean.

"Yeah right, like I'm cleaning THAT." He turned the computer on and waited for it to load. When it loaded his MSN came up again but no one was online.

"Dam." Gilbert waited and waited but no one came.

"Why does everyone always have to be busy at work? They're all such losers." He got himself more comfortable and started updating his blog. He looked at the time on his computer. 6:12am. Gilbert's inner body clock mechanism wasn't used to being woken up this early. Soon he found himself slowly drifting off to sleep on his keyboard, no matter how much he resisted.

BEEP BEEP. Gilbert heard the beep but did not recognise it as his MSN. BEEP BEEP. This time he looked up and saw an orange flash where someone was trying to talk to him. He looked at the time again. 12.23pm. Now that was more like it! He sat up and noticed who it was.

_**Lovi-the-tomato-king:**_

_GILBERT!!!_

_**Lovi-the-tomato-king:**_

_GIL!! TALK TO ME DAMMIT!! I'M BORED!!! D:_

_**Lovi-the-tomato-king:**_

_Don't ignore me! I know your there!!_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_And since when are you so eager to talk to me? ;P I knew you couldn't stay away from me._

_**Lovi-the-tomato-king:**_

_Pfft, yeah right._

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_I'm sorry Romano, but I'm afraid it will never work! I am a German, and you are Italian. Are love is FORBIDDEN and can NEVER BE!!_

_**Lovi-the-tomato-king:**_

_HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA _

_**Lovi-the-tomato-king:**_

_Not funny._

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_So what do u want anyway? FYI I am a very busy person._

_**Lovi-the-tomato-king:**_

_Well, I have a ton of paperwork to do coz stupid potato head isn't at work today. AND LIKE HELL AM I DOING HIS WORK FOR HIM!!_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_West isn't in today? But I saw him leave 4 work?_

**PASTAAAAA has just signed in.**

_**PASTAAAAA:**_

_HELLO!!!_

_**Lovi-the-tomato-king:**_

_THIS IS A PRIVATE CONVERSATION!!! GET OUT!!!_

_**PASTAAAAA:**_

_Aawww... but I just wanted to say hi. :(_

_**Lovi-the-tomato-king:**_

_OUT! NOW! D:_

_**PASTAAAAA:**_

_Okay :D_

_**PASTAAAAA:**_

_BTW do you know where we keep the beer in our house?_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Did someone say beer? :D_

_**Lovi-the-tomato-king:**_

_Italy, we don't have any beer! Only wine. Beer is for weird German people who eat potatoes and sausages._

_**PASTAAAAA:**_

_Oh well, I'll just have to tell Ludwig I don't have any bear! :) Thank you. BAAIIII!_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_HOLD IT!!!_

_**Lovi-the-tomato-king:**_

_WAIT!!!!_

_**PASTAAAAA:**_

_What is it!?_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Did you just say Ludwig?_

_**PASTAAAAA:**_

_Yes! We're having lots of FUN TOGETHER!! :D He came over this morning and now we're watching 'love in the flower garden' together! It's so cute! There is this girl and this boy and they both meet for the first time under this tree in the garden and then they fall in LOVE!!! 3_

_**Lovi-the-tomato-king:**_

_YOU'RE WATCHING A CHICK FLICK TOGETEHR!!?_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

'_Working from 7 till 9' he told me. _

"_Very busy with paperwork and meetings' he told me._

_I AM GOING TO KILL THAT LYING MISSGEBURT!! DX _

_**PASTAAAAA:**_

_He brought me these pretty flowers as well, just like the ones in the movie :D And he even let me..._

_**PASTAAAAA:**_

_Oh, I g2g! Germany's telling me to get of the computer, talk 2 u later!! :D_

_**PASTAAAAA has just signed out.**_

_**Lovi-the-tomato-king:**_

_DAMMIT!_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_I feel so betrayed T-T West is off seducing Italy while I'm sitting here all alone. :(_

**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!! has just signed in.**

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

_O. M. F. G. YOU WILL NOT BELIVE THIS!!_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Not now crazy psycho bitch. We're busy. :(_

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

_I don't care!! I must tell someone this before I explode! I'm on my I-phone right now (that how I'm on MSN) and I can see Germany and ita-chan in their loving room. ;D_

_**Lovi-the-tomato-king:**_

_WHAT!? God dammit! Does everyone have the day off from work except me!? D:_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_What are they doing!? Have they got to second base yet!? :D_

_**Lovi-the-tomato-king:**_

_EEEWWWW!!! EW EW EEW!! THIS IS MY BROTHER WE ARE TALKING ABOUT!! D: I don't want to know what that potato bastard is doing to him T-T _

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

_Gilbert- No, they're just sort of snuggling on the sofa and Germany is stroking Italy's hair._

_Romano- YOUR BROTHER WILL HAVE HIS VIRGINITY TAKEN BY GERMANY AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN SO ABOUT IT!! MMUUUAHAHAHAAHAHA!!! GAY SEX, GAY SEX, GAY SEX!!_

_**Lovi-the-tomato-king:**_

_STUFF YOU!!_

**Lovi-the-tomato-king has just signed out.**

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Tsch, such a homophobe._

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

_I know. Spain SO needs to screw him already XD_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Lol. Yeah. Totally. XD_

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

_OH GOD DAMMIT!! Germany saw me looking in through the window!! I g2g, BYE!!!_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Bye crazy psycho bitch! :D_

**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!! has just signed out**

**Wurst-of-awesomeness has just signed out**

Gilbert logged off his computer. Germany had a LOT of explaining to do when he came home.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Missgeburt= bastard in german (just in case you wanted to know)**

**Oh and FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!! is Hungary, but I hope that's kinda obvious XD**

**Please review if you have the time, it would make me very happy :) If you have any requests for characters in the next chapter just say. Love you all XXX ( I should really be updating my other stories but there are too many random plot bunnies hitting me and trying to massacre my brain T-T****)**


	3. Oh Canada

"GILBERT! LET ME IN OR I SWEAR YOU WILL BE SORRY!" Germany pushed himself up against the door. Gilbert, on the other side of the door, kept it steady so Germany couldn't get into the house.

"Why should I? You lied to me and said you were going to work when you were actually with your new boyfriend!"

"Look, I was going to go to work, but then I saw this film that I knew Italy would like and I REALLY needed a day off. It was all just on impulse!"

"And since when do you do things on impulse!?"

"JUST LET ME IN! IT'S NOT EVEN YOUR HOUSE, IT'S MINE!"

"NEIN! MAKE ME!"

"Fine, I will!" Germany shoved the door even harder and Gilbert heard the hinges snap. Germany pulled the door the opposite way it was meant to be opened and entered the house. Gilbert suddenly realised that there was a very angry German twice the size of him that wanted to beat his face in, and ran up to his room. Good job he had an ultra triple lock on his door.

"EAST!" Germany called from downstairs, "When you come down here you are dead. You know that!"

Gilbert sighed and flopped onto his swivel chair. There was defiantly no dinner for him tonight. Maybe he should go on the internet to complain about how miserable and hungry he was? Yeah, that sounded like a good idea! He turned on his personal laptop in his room and waited for it to load. It took forever for MSN to load. This laptop was so useless. Quite a few people were online. Norway and Sweden seemed to already be in a conversation with Estonia about fishing trade routes. God, how boring. Some people just made you want to crawl up into a tiny ball and cry out of sheer boredom. But they weren't the only people online. England and China were both online as well. Gilbert decided to join their conversation.

**Wurst-of-awesomeness has just signed in.**

_**Panda-of-cuteness:**_

_And then Japan completely ignored me at the lunch table... I just don't understand why he hates me so much. Aru. T-T_

_**BRITANIA UNICORN!!:**_

_Don't worry about it, it's a younger brother thing. You raise them up and give them everything they could ever want and they stab you in the back D: WELL STFU AMERICA!! I'm better off without you!!_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_I know, brothers seriously suck._

_**BRITANIA UNICORN!!:**_

_Just say to him. GOOD RIDENCE!! I'm glad you left! You can go to hell with your annoying passive way of speaking and pointless anime and stupid gay strait fridge with perfect hair! _D:

_**BRITANIA UNICORN!!:**_

_(Not personal opinions of course I actually quite like Japan) _:D

_**Panda-of-cuteness:**_

_YES! I WILL!! It's time I showed Japan who's boss! _

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_That's the spirit!!!_

_**Panda-of-cuteness:**_

_I'm going over to his house right now. And I'm going to tell him how much I hate him!_

_**BRITANIA UNICORN!!:**_

_Yeah, you should totally do that! :D_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_WOOO! GO CHINA!!! :D_

_**Panda-of-cuteness has just signed out.**_

**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned! has just signed in.**

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

_OMG, WUBU2? Took 4eva 4 mi CB! ATAB!? LOLZ_

_**BRITANIA UNICORN!!:**_

_I have no idea what he just said o_o_

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

_Old man, GET WID DA GANSTA SPEAK!!!1!_

_**BRITANIA UNICORN!!:**_

_Dear lord, I don't think I can stand another un-intellectual conversation. I'm leaving._

**BRITANIA UNICORN!! has just signed out.**

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

_I'm just too awesome for him. He hates me coz he is jealous of my awesome and he can't have it. Coz I'm too awesome._

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_I think you'll find it was MY almighty awesome that drove him away._

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

_Are you challenging my awesome!?_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_My awesome of awesomeness is far more awesome then your not so awesome awesome._

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

_I CHALENGE YOU TO AN AWESOME CONTEST!!!!_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_I ACCEPT!! PREPARE TO BE OWNED!!_

**Invisible really cute polar bear 3 has just signed in.**

_**Invisible really cute polar bear 3:**_

_Hi, ummm... does anyone know how to convert Canadian dollars into euros? :( _

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

_CANADA!!!_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

OMG CANADA!

_**Invisible really cute polar bear 3:**_

_YEEEEESSSSSSS!!! Note in diary.... 2 PEOPLE KNOW WHO I AM AND SAID MY NAME PROPERLY!!!! :D yay!_

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

_Of course I know who you are Michael! Now I need you to answer a very important question. WHO IS MORE AWESOME!? Me (Your loving brother who is totally awesome and you know it) or Gilbert (who isn't even a country any more, how lame is that!?)_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

Don't listen to him! I'm just like you, I feel your pain of being ignored. No one knowing who you are! I feel the same! And your like a totally awesome guy, you know, :D totally awesome. Far more awesome than your brother. You and I are, like, awesome together!

_**Invisible really cute polar bear 3:**_

_Really? ^^_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Yup. ;)_

_**Invisible really cute polar bear 3:**_

_Wait, do I even know you? Who are you again?_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_D: You know me! GILBERT!! PRUSSIA THE AWESOME!!! EAST GERMANY!!!_

_**Invisible really cute polar bear 3:**_

_Ah... no sorry. :( Never heard of you_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS CONVO!! DX_

_**Invisible really cute polar bear 3:**_

_I'm sorry D: Really, maybe we should meet up or something! Become friends! Don't block me please, I just want to be nice T-T_

**Invisible really cute polar bear 3 has just been kicked from the conversation.**

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

_NOOOOOOO!!! Gilbert you idiot!! D:_

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

_You could have waited for him to give an answer first!!! Now we'll have to find someone else to ask!!_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Whatever. NO ONE DENIES MY EXISTANCE!!! D:_

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

_I have an idea, tomorrow at work I'll make sure everyone is online and they can all judge!_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Okay, it's on! 7pm! _

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

_TTUT BAI! XXX_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Bye!_

**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned! has just signed out.**

**Wurst-of-awesomeness has just signed out.**

**Da ze! Da ze! has just signed in.**

_**Da ze! Da ze!:**_

_Awesomeness originated in Korea!_

**Da ze! Da ze! has just signed out.**

**____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

_**I really hope I made the user names obvious enough that I don't have to explain them. (just so everyone knows there is probably spelling mistakes, I always make them and can't find them till I post the chapter. XD) Review if you have anything you want in the next chapter! (and thank you to the people who did review, I love you all XXX )**_


	4. Got to get out

The next morning Gilbert woke up late. That was good, that meant West would be out of the house and at work. Well, maybe not, maybe he was with that stupid Italian! But it didn't matter, as either way the house was empty. His stomach growled loudly, dammit, he was so hungry after no dinner last night. Going downstairs, he looked for his keys so he could go to the shops. He searched for 15 minute until he found a note on the front door.

_Gilbert. I took your keys. You're grounded for a week. If you want food then you'll have to clean the house and I will give you some when I get back. Don't even try getting out of the windows, their all locked._

_West._

GROUNDED!? What was he, his mother!? He can't _ground_ him, he was a god dam nation! Well, not any more but the principle was still there. And no food. What was he supposed to do? Starve!? No, he will get out of the house. He will. If only he knew how. There was a picture on the kitchen work surface that Gilbert looked at. It was of Austria and Germany eating cake. Wait, Austria? Austria had a spare key to Germany's house! All he has to do was ask Austria to come round and let himself in. Genius! But how would he contact Austria. He turned on his computer, and logged on to MSN. Austria was always on his computer, especially after he found his piano-music-writer-type-thing. But he always had his MSN statues as 'appear offline' as he didn't like being disturbed. Loser. The computer loaded and MSN came up as usual. He clicked on Austria's offline status.

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Hey Australia! What's up?_

_**Offline- Music is part of the soul:**_

_The sky._

_**Offline- Music is part of the soul:**_

_I must say, can you not tell I'm offline and therefore busy? _

_**Offline- Music is part of the soul:**_

_AND MY NAME IS AUSTRIA, NOT AUSTRALIA!! _

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_I was just thinking, we're best friends right? Best buddies in the whole world! Totally, the strongest friend ship ever! So why don't you come over to my house and we can, you know. Chat... and stuff. Whatever friends do... make cake? You like cake. I know that coz i'm such a good friend._

_**Offline- Music is part of the soul:**_

_Are you on drugs by any chance? Friends!?!_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Yeah... friends._

_**Offline- Music is part of the soul:**_

_Oh, I know what's going on. Germany warned me about this. You're grounded and you want me to come over so you can get out of the house._

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Maybe._

_**Offline- Music is part of the soul:**_

_Well the answer is no! And don't even think about asking Hungary, she is currently being punished for spying on Germany._

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Sounds kinky , what kind of punishment? :D_

_**Offline- Music is part of the soul:**_

_DO NOT THINK DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT MY WIFE!! I'm leaving and I hope you starve to death in my absence. GOOD. BYE._

**Music is part of the soul has just blocked worst-of-awesomeness.**

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_DAMMIT!_

Gilbert came out of the conversation and looked at the other people who were online that could possibly have a spare key. Poland? No, why would he have one. The only other people were Russia, Japan and England and he was certain none of them had keys. Wait, England!? How many times had that guy been captured by Germany and escaped during WW2!? This was perfect, he would know a way out!

**Wurst-of-awesomeness has just signed in.**

_**Vodka3: **_

_And then he ran into my knife! 10 times! I don't know why no one believes me T-T_

_**BRITANIA UNICORN:**_

_Because there were 12 witnesses who saw you do it, maybe?_

_**Vodka3: **_

_Maybe._

_**Cherry-blossoms-in-the-spring:**_

_T-T_

_**Vodka3: **_

_Cheer up comrade Japan, China didn't mean it! He says he hates me all the time but in the end he is always begging for my forgiveness._

_**Cherry-blossoms-in-the-spring:**_

_But that's only because you threaten to burn his house down and kill his entire family. He doesn't like you really. _

_**Vodka3: **_

_Hahahaha, oh your so silly Japan. _

_**BRITANIA UNICORN:**_

_Well if it's any consolation I told him not to do it._

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_From what I remember England you were the one who told china to do it in the first place :3_

_**BRITANIA UNICORN:**_

_GILBERT!? When did you get here!?_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_In fact I think you said that Japan should '__go to hell with his annoying passive way of speaking and pointless anime and stupid gay strait fridge with perfect hair.'_

_Or was that just my imagination?_

_**Cherry-blossoms-in-the-spring:**_

_Is that true!?_

_**BRITANIA UNICORN:**_

_Errr... Sort of?_

_**Cherry-blossoms-in-the-spring:**_

_I thought you were my friend DX Well I guess not! T-T Good bye!_

**Cherry-blossoms-in-the-spring has just signed out.**

_**BRITANIA UNICORN:**_

_NO WAIT!!!_

_**BRITANIA UNICORN:**_

_DAMMIT! Gilbert, you bastard!_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_:D_

_**Vodka3:**_

_I better be going now :) poor little Lithuania is at the hospital and I feel like visiting him._

_**Vodka3 has just signed out.**_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_So, England. I was wondering... are their any ways out of Germany's house other than the doors and windows?_

_**BRITANIA UNICORN:**_

_Of course, I escaped from Germany more than enough times._

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Where are they? :D_

_**BRITANIA UNICORN:**_

_Why?_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Coz I can't get out of the house because Germany locked me in. HE IS SUCH A JERK, I CAN'T BELIVE I'M RELATED TO THAT ANOYING, STRICK, BORING, ARSEHOLE! One day I'm going kill him when he's sleeping. He will pay. One day..._

_**BRITANIA UNICORN:**_

_Ah, well, Germany said to me that I couldn't give you any information, so :P_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_When did he say that!?_

_**BRITANIA UNICORN:**_

_Just now, he's been reading this entire conversation over my shoulder. :D And you are so dead._

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME HE WAS BEHIND YOU!?_

_**BRITANIA UNICORN:**_

_Coz I'm evil. :D btw, Germany says have you done the cleaning yet?_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Err... I should be going now._

**Wurst-of-awesomeness has just signed out.**

Dam. He was in trouble. If he didn't find some way out of the house now, he would not only be hungry but have West trying to kill him when he got back. He looked at his computer again. Who was that new person? It was worth talking to them to see if they had any way of escaping.

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Sup? Who are you?_

_**SEALAND WILL RULE THE WORLD!! All will bow down before my MIGHT!!!:**_

_Sealand, dur!_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

_Who? Wait, aren't you the little boy who always tries to get into the world meetings through the vents? The one in the weird sailor uniform?_

_**SEALAND WILL RULE THE WORLD!! All will bow down before my MIGHT!!!:**_

YES! Thats me! WOOO! I'm famous! :D

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

Hey, do you know Germany?

_**SEALAND WILL RULE THE WORLD!! All will bow down before my MIGHT!!!:**_

I know everything about everyone. About every place. About every shortcut. Every secret. Every love affair. Every thing in the WHOLE WORLD!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

Do you know a way out of Germany's house without using a door or windows?

_**SEALAND WILL RULE THE WORLD!! All will bow down before my MIGHT!!!:**_

No.

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

*sigh* do you know anyone who might?

_**SEALAND WILL RULE THE WORLD!! All will bow down before my MIGHT!!!:**_

No.

**Pink-sparkly-pretty-ponies :3 (I love you too Lithuania!) has just signed in.**

**_Pink-sparkly-pretty-ponies :3 (I love you too Lithuania!):_**

_Hey guys, like OMG, you will totally NOT believe what I found. It's, like, so totally cool._

**_Wurst-of-awesomeness:_**

_Poland. No one cares._

**_Pink-sparkly-pretty-ponies :3 (I love you too Lithuania!):_**

_Prussia. You're totally, like, hashing my mellow!_

**_Wurst-of-awesomeness:_**

_No one cares about your mellow either._

**_Pink-sparkly-pretty-ponies :3 (I love you too Lithuania!):_**

_Well then, I guess you don't want to know about the secret passage I found!!_

**_Wurst-of-awesomeness:_**

_Depends of where it leads to? :3 then maybe I do care._

**_Pink-sparkly-pretty-ponies :3 (I love you too Lithuania!):_**

_Nope, not telling you. You were totally mean to me and now your never going to know._

**_Wurst-of-awesomeness:_**

_Tssh, fine. I don't care about your stupid secret passage anyway!_

**_Pink-sparkly-pretty-ponies :3 (I love you too Lithuania!):_**

_Yeah, well :P I don't care that you don't care. Totally. Oh and Sealand, Latvia said your dinners ready._

**_SEALAND WILL RULE THE WORLD!! All will bow down before my MIGHT!!!:_**

_COOL! BAI LOSERS!!_

**_SEALAND WILL RULE THE WORLD!! All will bow down before my MIGHT!!! has just signed out._**

**_Pink-sparkly-pretty-ponies :3 (I love you too Lithuania!):_**

_Yeah, ima go too. Loser is contagious apparently, even across the internet, and I wouldn't want to catch it of you._

**Pink-sparkly-pretty-ponies :3 (I love you too Lithuania!) has just signed out.**

**_Wurst-of-awesomeness:_**

_AT LEAST I'M NOT A TANSVESTITE!!!_

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness has just signed out.**_

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**I probably won't be able update this soon coz i have to go away for a while, but i might try to update for tomorrow. :) luv u all XXX please review. BTW lots of people were saying more russia, so i gave you some :D ps. FEAR THE TYPOS!!!**

**just in case you don't know, ****Pink-sparkly-pretty-ponies :3= Poland**


	5. Competition time

Gilbert was desperate now. It was 7pm, nearly an hour before Germany was due home and his attempts at digging a hole through the kitchen were failing miserably. Wait, 7pm? He had the awesome competition with America right now! He ran to his computer and switched it onto MSN. Just as promised America had nearly everyone online.

**Wurst-of-awesomeness has just signed in.**

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

Sup losers? Missed me? :D

_**ooh you touch my tralala~ mmm my ding ding dong~:**_

Ah Gilbert you're finally here! We were starting to wonder where you were mon cheri~

_**BRITANIA UNICORN!!:**_

This is a waste of time. I should be having a meeting right now but NOOOO "

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

But I'm so much more fun than a meeting :D and if I win then I'll give you a special surprise ;P

_**ooh you touch my tralala~ mmm my ding ding dong~:**_

Sounds kinky, can I join in?

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

Sure :D (but only if you vote for me)

_**BRITANIA UNICORN!!:**_

You're both idiots.

_**Cherry-blossoms-in-the-spring:**_

At least they wouldn't get my brother to hate me then LIE to my face *glare*

_**BRITANIA UNICORN!!:**_

We have already had a 2 hour convo about his!! I'M SORRY!

_**Poland-is-a-bastard had just signed in.**_

_**Latvia :) Get better soon Toris T-T:**_

Lithuania!

_**Poland-is-a-bastard:**_

Hiya :) I'm using the hospital comp, I haven't seen any of u in ages. What's happening? Why is everyone online?

_**Eduard von Bock pwns Edward Cullen + I sparkle in the day **_**and**_** the night!:**_

Just some crazy competition Alfred and Gilbert are having

_**Pink-sparkly-pretty-ponies :3 (I love you too Lithuania!):**_

Hey Liet! Missed you ;P

_**Poland-is-a-bastard:**_

I hate you Poland. You're the reason I'm in hospital!

_**Stay off my land. I mean it:**_

Can we just get on with this! I can see half of you idiots from where I'm sitting in the conference room and my trigger finger's getting itchy!

_**I hate you Turkey! D:( I HOPE YOU FALL DOWN A WELL AND DIE!!:**_

Don't aim your gun at me! Aim it at Turkey! D:

_**;D I love ya to Greece:**_

You're so mean to me Greece *criez*

_**I hate you Turkey! D:( I HOPE YOU FALL DOWN A WELL AND DIE!!:**_

Don't play innocent! I know it was you who put caffeine in my de-caf coffee, I've been awake for 5 hours now. IVE NEVER BEEN AWAKE THAT LONG IN MY LIFE!!!

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

BACK ON TOPIC PEEPS! Vote either ALFRED or GILBERT in your next comment and give reason why ;D e.g. coz AMERICA PWNS ALL!!! Winner wins title of 'awesome' and da other has to delete the word 'awesome' from their name XD and you HAVE to vote.

_**Invisible really cute polar bear 3:**_

Oh.. um.... well... I guess Gilbert :) because he sounds nice

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

BRO YOU TRAITOR!!!

_**BRITANIA UNICORN!!:**_

I hate you all. But Gilbert gets my vote because my feelings of hate towards America go beyond words.

_**ooh you touch my tralala~ mmm my ding ding dong~:**_

I vote America because I like special surprises ;) ( oh and _Angleterre_ there is a thin line between love and hate ;P)

_**Cherry-blossoms-in-the-spring:**_

I vote Alfred-san because England voted Gilbert-san :S

_**Panda-of-cuteness:**_

I vote Gilbert because America owes me money aru

_**Da ze! Da ze!:**_

I vote Gilbert because aniki voted for him!

_**Vodka3: **_

I vote America because I also hope for a special surprise :D also I want him to become one with me (but don't worry gil, if you still want to become one with me again you're welcome~)

_**Music is part of the soul:**_

I vote America because Gilbert is really annoying.

_**Lovi-the-tomato-king:**_

I vote America because of gil and eli's convo about my brother and potato head

_**Love you Lovi! XXXX *heart* XXXX:**_

I vote America because lovi voted for him! (sorry gilbo, still friends?)

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

Pfft, no way Antonio. Are friendship is OVER now you voted for that burger eating idiot.

_**Love you Lovi! XXXX *heart* XXXX:**_

Sorry :(

_**PASTAAAAA:**_

I vote for Gilbert because he's really nice to me!

_**Pink-sparkly-pretty-ponies :3 (I love you too Lithuania!):**_

Gilbert was totally mean to me today so Alfred WINS!

_**Eduard von Bock pwns Edward Cullen + I sparkle in the day **_**and**_** the night!:**_

I vote Gilbert because America called me a computer nerd :|

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

But you ARE

_**Poland-is-a-bastard:**_

I vote Alfred because he was very nice to me when I worked for him :)

_**Latvia :) Get better soon Toris T-T:**_

I vote Alfred because Russia voted for him and I don't want to be attacked :S

_**Iluvmywifefinland:**_

I vote Alfred because he likes my music! ABBA FTW!

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

ABBA sucks though :( how do you even listen to that crap?!?! METAL FTW!

_**Santas lil helper:**_

I vote the same as Sweden! (I'm still not your wife btw)

_**Stay off my land. I mean it:**_

I vote WHOEVER STAYS THE HELL OFF MY LAND!! (Therefore Alfred wins my vote)

_**I hate you Turkey! D:( I HOPE YOU FALL DOWN A WELL AND DIE!!:**_

I vote Gilbert because Alfred invented caffeine in coffee which I HATE.

_**;D I love ya to Greece:**_

I vote Gilbert because I love Greece SO much and agree with everything he says :D

_**I hate you Turkey! D:( I HOPE YOU FALL DOWN A WELL AND DIE!!:**_

You waited for me to vote first JUST so you could agree with me didn't you?

_**;D I love ya to Greece:**_

Yup ;D

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

Alfred because I AM NOT A CRAZY SCYCO BITCH GILBERT!!

_**Marry me vodka3!!!:**_

STAY AWAY FROM RUSSIA, ALFRED, OR IL'L SLIT YOUR PATHETIC LITTLE WEAK THROAT WITH A KNIFE!!! And as you bleed to death I will stand over you and LAUGH!! HAHAHAHAHAHA

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

So is that a vote for me then?

_**Marry me vodka3!!!:**_

Yeah sure whatever AS LONG AS YOU STAY AWAY FROM RUSSIA!!

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

Oh I will :S you can count of that

_**Marry me vodka3!!!:**_

Fine I vote for Gilbert

_**Ludwig:**_

Brother. Get off MSN and do the washing up.

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

Make me :P

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

Dude, you need to vote if you're in the convo!

_**Ludwig: **_

Do I have to?

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

YES!!!

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

YES!!!

_**Ludwig: **_

Fine. Gilbert. Because you're my brother and I love you :)

**Ludwig has just signed out.**

_**BRITANIA UNICORN!!:**_

Did Germany just say he loved his brother and put a smiley face at the end of his post?!?!

_**ooh you touch my tralala~ mmm my ding ding dong~:**_

ITS THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!! AAAHHHHHH!!!

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

Who cares!? I GOT THE MOST VOTES! IN YO FACE! OWNED!! HAHAHAHAHAHA! THE ALMIGHT Y AWESOME AMERICA WINS AGAIN!!

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness:**_

Urg. I hate my life.

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

Time to change ur name. We can't have 2 awesome people on the internet now can we ;D

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness has changed their name to Wurst-of-this-voting-system-is-rigged**_

_**Wurst-of-this-voting-system-is-rigged:**_

Happy now?

_**THE UNITED STATES OF AWESOME!!! U is Totally pwned!:**_

Yes. Very.

_**Wurst-of-awesomeness has just signed out.**_

Gilbert slouched back onto his chair and sighed deeply. So far most of his days were going very badly, and this was just the icing on the cake. Speaking of cake, he was very hungry. He had failed in escaping and failed at cleaning the house. Although, he was rather touched at Ludwig's comment on MSN. NO! The almighty Gilbert would not submit to his emotions! He would NOT feel guilty for not cleaning the house! That's what Germany WANTED! And Gilbert would never do anything that someone else wanted with no personal gain for himself! Suddenly he heard the front door click open. Well, more like scraped open since the door had been shoddily reassembled after it was broken. Gilbert leaped up from his seat and ran downstairs.

"Oh god! Please say you brought food!" He said as his stomach grumbled.

"Did you do the cleaning up?"

"Err. No. Dur. What do I look like, your maid."

"Then you're not getting any food."

"So you're just going to starve me?!"

"Yes."

"You're so meeean west! But you said that I'm your brother and you love me!"

"You are my brother and I do love you."

"Then give me food!"

"Fine. Take it." Ludwig took out some pasta from his bag and pushed it towards Gilbert. "I guess you're never going to clean up so I don't know why I bother trying to make you."

"Aaw. Thank you West!" Gilbert jumped up pulled Ludwig into a hug.

* * *

Might be some typos, and yay for seriously late chapter XD I just thought that seen as people are reviewing on this asking for me to keep going, I would! Please review is you have any requests for certain conversations!


	6. Hungarian fantasies

Ludwig was always one to tell Gilbert about conserving energy and not leaving lights on, so when Gilbert woke up in the morning due that GOD DAMN IRRITATING LIGHT flashing on and off he knew at least it wasn't his brother fault. It wasn't necessarily a bright light, but the kind that's small and irritating. Like Sealand. Gilbert had been lying in bed for half an hour contemplating whether to get up and turn the light out, meaning he was too awake to go back to sleep, or stay in bed and ignore the stupid thing. It was then that he remembered he there was always an option three.

"WEST!" he prodded his brother sharply in the shoulder. He didn't budge.

"WEEEEEST!" He prodded him again. Ludwig groaned slightly and turned over. Good, this showed progress, there might be a hope to get him to sort out light once he woke him up. But how? It was little known to many people but Ludwig was a deep sleeper, especially since he met Italy. He wondered if anyone else was a deep sleeper, and his mind skipped to Spain. Of course! How was it Romano got Spain up again? Although it was physically impossible for Gilbert to copy Romano's technique completely, the idea was still there. Jump on them until they woke up. He slid out of the sheets and stood up on the bed.

"If you don't wake up now west, then I'm going to crush you!" Ludwig made no response so he took it as an invitation. Taking a large jump, he sprung onto his brother's stomach, completely winding him. Germany tried to sit up, gasping for air. Unfortunately he couldn't get up because his brother was on top of him.

"Wha...what are you doing!" Germany panted. Gilbert got rolled off the bed as Germany pushed him.

"Well," Gilbert began, pointing at the light "That light over there was really annoying me and I couldn't sleep, but I also didn't want to get up because I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, so I decided to wake you up so you could do it for me! But you weren't waking up, so I had to forcibly wake you up, so now you can turn the light off!" Germany stared at his brother in disbelief.

"Did you ever consider that waking me up would also wake yourself up as well?"

"Well, now I think about it, no."

"What are you doing in my room, anyway?"

"I don't really remember, I was too tired."

"So you came into my room, slept in my bed without asking for my permission and then rudely awoke me because of a light which you could have easily turned off yourself."

"Maybe." Gilbert looked at the floor shyly.

"I think you should think your actions through before you act on them, East."

"Okay then, but first can you get rid of that light?" Germany sighed.

"Yes." Walking up to the flickering dot, he found it was in fact a video camera, "Why's this here?"

"Oh my god, you mean someone's been filming you! That's so cool, I wonder what secrets they have revealed!" Gilbert snatched the camera out of his hands and started playing the film.

"I think this is a complete disrespect of my privacy and I would rather you didn't go through that!" Ludwig's voice had a hint of hysteria to it.

"Why?" Gilbert asked mischievously, holding the camera to his chest.

"Because, "he replied, exasperated. "There is stuff on there I would rather you didn't see."

"Like what?"

"Stuff."

"What Stuff?"

"Stuff."

"Tell me the stuff or I'll watch it for myself."

"Stuff with Italy." Ludwig blushed.

"What stuff with Italy?" Gilbert smirked.

"Private stuff. Now give it to me!"

"NO!" Ludwig made a grab for the camera and Gilbert turned around to stop him getting it. That was when Gilbert noticed the neat name scribbled on the side of the camera. _Elizaveta. _Of course it was her, he should have realised sooner.

"Look, west, this camera belongs to Hungary, do you know what that means?"

"Oh god, my life is over."

"Exactly!" Gilbert started thinking fast " Now, if you let me keep to camera I can make sure that crazy bitch deletes all evidence of it."

"Are you sure you will?" Germany asked sceptically.

"Of course, what are brothers for!" Gilbert walked out of the room laughing.

"I don't trust you, give it to me!"

"Urg, fine," Gilbert called out from the corridor "I'm just going to my computer; you can follow me and watch if you like." He sat down at the computer and logged onto msn.

"It looks like Hungary, Japan and France,are having a conversation" Germany said over his shoulder, "You can't confront her with all those people there."

"Oh please, they probably already know whatever's on that camera anyway." He said, entering the convo.

_**Wurst-of-greatness has just signed in.**_

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

My husbands so sweet you know, this morning when I woke up he said 'If I were blind, within my heart I could still see the beauty that is you' ^^

_**ooh you touch my tralala~ mmm my ding ding dong~:**_

ah, how romantic~ it is nice to know that some people in this world still know the meaning of amour! :D

_**Cherry-blossoms-in-the-spring:**_

I agree he is sweet, I feel like putting that quote in the latest manga I'm writing. :)

Gilbert greatly resisted the urge the comment on how disgustingly sappy they were all being. It seemed that so far they hadn't notice his presence, so he might be able to get some good dirt on them all.

_**Cherry blossoms-in-the-spring:-**_

That reminds me, where are those cameras I lent you?

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

ah yes, that. Well, can you guys keep a secret? I put my greatest trust in you and I'm sure you 2 will agree that my cause is a great and nobel one! You 2 are the only ones that share the same interest as me in... stuff.

_**ooh you touch my tralala~ mmm my ding ding dong~:**_

porn?

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

Yes.

_**Cherry-blossoms-in-the-spring:**_

Tell us more!

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

I've put them in several different place that assure maximum yaoi coverage ;D

_**ooh you touch my tralala~ mmm my ding ding dong~:**_

oh tell us where, tell us where!

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

I've got 1 in America's bedroom, 1 in Spain's and 1 in Germany's. Unfortunately, Romano and Spain never seem to do anything and America SOMETIMES does some interesting stuff but Germanys room is the most interesting ;)

At this point Germany almost grabbed the keyboard of Gilbert.

"No, don't do it, we need to see what she knows!"

"But she's about to tell them about... stuff!"

_**Cherry-blossoms-in-the-spring:**_

Germany? Oh, is it with Italy?

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

Yup, let me show you the video I got of them a couple of days ago! *Link*

Gilbert couldn't resist clicking on the link. At first the video was completely black, with Italy's voice talking loudly. Italy then moved out of the way of the camera and he went to sit on the bed. Gilbert snickered as he saw that Italy was wearing a frilly pink dress, with multiple bows and roses sown on.

"Doitsu~ hurry up, the tea is getting cold!" Italy complained, sitting down on a miniature chair around a miniature table with tea cups filled with imaginary tea. Various dolls and teddy bears were also set up around the table. Germany then entered the picture in an equally frilly lime green dress. His hair was down with a ribbon tied in it.

"How much tea do you want Feli?" Germany picked up the pot in the middle.

"Half a cup please!" Germany poured the imaginary liquid into Italy's cup, then some into his own, "Remember, pinkie out Doitsu."

"Of course!" Germany smiled, going along with Italy's tea party.

"Would you like some tea Mr Dog?" Gilbert noticed that one of Germany's dogs was at the table as well, wearing a pink bonnet. The dog whined miserably. It was at that point the video ended. Gilbert was almost laughing on the floor in hysterics as Germany visibly cringed in the corner of the room, where he had covered his eyes in embarrassment.

_**ooh you touch my tralala~ mmm my ding ding dong~:**_

hahaha thats so funny XD I was expecting sex but this is almost better!

_**Cherry-blossoms-in-the-spring:**_

Lol, Well, everyone knows cosplay usually leads to sex anyway, it's only a matter of time! :D

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

Anyway, the plot thickens!

_**Cherry-blossoms-in-the-spring:**_

Ooooh what?

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

yesterday you were all there in that conversation with who was more awesome right?

_**ooh you touch my tralala~ mmm my ding ding dong~:**_

Yes we were.

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

Well, I noticed how nice Ludwig was being to Gilbert and it made me wonder. What if something's going on between them? I usually skip stuff on the video with Gilbert in but last night I was watching the camera as usual and saw Gilbert walk into Ludwig's room, and it was all very suspicious, in an almost incest super cute yaoi type way. Want a link?

_**Cherry-blossoms-in-the-spring:**_

YES!

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

*Link*

Gilbert really didn't want to click the link, but something compelled him to do it. It started with Ludwig asleep in bed on his side. Suddenly the door opened and Gilbert fell into the room, hugging his pillow. Ludwig stirred slightly and muttered,

"What do you want?"

"I can't sleep, it's too cold in my room." Gilbert whispered and sat on the side of the bed.

"Turn the heating on then." He grumbled.

"But then you're room would overheat."

"Okay then, but it's only a single bed so don't complain if you run out of space."

"Thanks west." Gilbert slipped under the covers and put his arms around Ludwig from behind.

"God, you really are cold." Ludwig shivered. He turned around and put his arms around Gilbert's smaller frame so they both seemed to be hugging.

"Good night, Love you." Gilbert mumbled, falling asleep in Ludwig's arms.

"Love you too." Ludwig kissed Gilbert's forehead and yawned.

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

I defiantly think something's going on between those two! :D

_**Wurst-of-greatness:**_

THERES NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN US, I WAS JUST COLD!! THAT'S ALL!! AND ITS CALLED BROTHELY AFFECTION!! YOU THREE ARE SUCH SICK WEIRDOS THERES SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU IN YOUR BRAIN!! D:

_**ooh you touch my tralala~ mmm my ding ding dong~:**_

Oh, when did you get here Gilbert?

_**Wurst-of-greatness:**_

I've been here the whole conversation you idiots!

_**Cherry-blossoms-in-the-spring:**_

Even the bit about how many cats it would take to fill up a 3 bedroom apartment?

_**Wurst-of-greatness:**_

well no, not the WHOLE conversation but I came when psycho bitch started talking about how lame her husband is. (and the answer is a lot of cats)

_**ooh you touch my tralala~ mmm my ding ding dong~:**_

Ah yes, now I scroll back up I can see you entered the conversation. How did I miss that?

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

Anyway, it doesn't mater when he got here! DX The point is he are Germany are screwing each other, but Germany is in love with Italy and can't return the affection properly, making gilbert jealous and denying everything, creating a hot yaoi-filled love triangle!

_**ooh you touch my tralala~ mmm my ding ding dong~:**_

Will it end in an orgy? :D

_**Cherry-blossoms-in-the-spring:**_

I hope so!

_**Wurst-of-greatness:**_

You are sick SICK messed up people, i'm leaving now, and I hope you all suffer horrible painful deaths because you're all sick.

_**Wurst-of-greatness has just signed out.**_


	7. Got to delete it!

**Ah, so little reviews for my last chapters DX Maybe I should remind people to review but then I would become a comment whore like 'OMG PLZ REVIEW XXX' every time. Over 1000 views on the last chapter, and only 5 reviews D: Let me tell u guys a secret. Reviews are my life force, I live and breathe them, they are 90% of the reason I update, and If you follow me then you know how little I update anyway XD anyways, please review and if you have any specific ideas for chapters, I am desperate so you'll probably get it. And if you have nothing to offer but really like the story then shout abuse at me to update and tell me to stop being so lazy, because I am XD**

**Just to clarify '****Stay off my land. I mean it!' Is Switzerland, since someone didn't know who he was.**

* * *

"Okay, that's it, I'm going to go find that bitch and delete that video off her computer!" Gilbert exclaimed loudly. Expecting some sort of reply, he noticed Germany was no longer in the room.

"West?" He slowly entered his brother's bedroom and his eyes caught sight of Germany hiding under the blankets.

"West, get up, we're going to go get that video off Hungary!" Germany groaned and sunk deeper under the covers.

"I don't want to go."

"Why not? We stand more chance together!"

"I don't think I can face the embarrassment of seeing anyone ever again."

"But I can't go alone, she might ambush me and tie me up and force me to have gay sex with weird guys to fuel her fetish!"

"I'm not going."

"Pfft, fine, I'll just find someone else to go with me! I have plenty of friends!" Gilbert stormed out of the room and fetched his coat. He was a man on a mission, and nothing would stop him. Now, who to take with him. Antonio? No, he wasn't talking to him since he voted for Alfred during the awesome contest. Francis? No, he watched the video and he's probably like Hungary and gets off on that sick stuff. Gilbert was running low on friends he could call now. Roderick? Nope, no, never him. Stuck up ass. Actually, maybe he could get Austria to help. He was married to the woman! Maybe she would listen to her 'icke hubby-wubby'. He picked up his phone and dialled Austria's mobile number. It rang for about 3 seconds when the other line cut him off. That little bitch! He hung up on him before he even answered the phone! Fine then, if he was going to play_ this _game then Gilbert would play it too.

"WEST! WHERE'S YOUR PHONE?!"

"On the table" Gilbert barely heard up from upstairs. Gilbert picked up the phone and went to find Roderick's name. Of course when he found it, he first changed it to 'my whore' along with changing a variety of other people's names. He then dialled the number and put on his best 'Germany' voice. Austria picked up on the first dial.

"Hello Ludwig!" In all honesty Gilbert had never heard him so happy.

"Yes, hello Roderick, I have something very important to discuss with you."

"It's so nice of you to call, you never call! What is it?"

"It's about your wife..."

"Oh no, what's she done now?" the dread in his voice could be heard.

"She's put a camera in my room and is spreading embarrassing video footage of me."

"I SHALL TELL HER TO STOP IMEDIATLY!" It was a well known fact that Austria would do anything for Germany. Hell, if Germany had asked him to slit his wife's throat and then jump of a cliff he probably would.

"I believe she is one MSN right now spreading the information, please stop her."

"Yes, I will!" he said, hanging up the phone. Mission accomplished. Gilbert walked upstairs and logged onto MSN under Germany's account, it would look suspicious if he logged on his own and Hungary would probably get her revenge involving some rather painful frying pan related incidents. And Gilbert quite enjoyed his face being in the order it was in now. What he was hoping for was to see Elizaveta to log off, but it seemed that Austria logged on instead. What an idiot! Why didn't he just go to the room above and talk to her in person? He didn't want to enter the conversation because Austria _knew_ Germany never used msn and would probably deduct it was Gilbert instead. But he needed to see what was going on! Who was friends with Austria and would be able to blend in with the conversation? Italy? No. Poland? No. Oh, Liechtenstein would! She would easily blend in because she's Hungary and Austria's friend! And even better she was logged as well! Unfortunately her status was set to busy but when had a 'busy' status ever stopped the awesome Gilbert! He changed back onto his usual account and started typing.

_**Wurst-of-greatness:**_

Hey lily ;P

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

Big brother said he doesn't want me talking to you :(

_**Wurst-of-greatness:**_

What?! Why!?

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

He says you're a bad influence on me :(

_**Wurst-of-greatness:**_

Yeah, well don't listen to that loser! He knows nothing of my awesomeness!

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

Ah, that reminds me, I'm sorry I wasn't there during the competition between you and America. If it's any consolation I would have voted for you :)

_**Wurst-of-greatness:**_

Yeah, you better have! Anyway, I need you to do me a favour

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

Sure :)

_**Wurst-of-greatness:**_

I need you to give me your msn password. Hungary and Austria are having a very important conversation and I need to see what they're saying! But I can't let them know it's me!

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

But brother said I'm not allowed to give out personal details to people, and I'm not suppose to be talking to you anyway :(

_**Wurst-of-greatness:**_

I'll let you come over to my house and play with gil-bird if you do ;P

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

Really?!

_**Wurst-of-greatness:**_

Yup, you can even bring your colouring round and die him pink like you did last time! I think there some ribbons lying around my house as well

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

Oh I would love that! You're the best Gilbert :D My passwords swisschocolate. But can I have your password too? I'm having a conversation with Ukraine at the moment and it's very important I continue :( I'll tell her that you needed to borrow my account so she won't panic when 'Gilbert' stars talking to her :) btw can I come over as soon as I'm finished with Ukraine in about 10 mins?

_**Wurst-of-greatness:**_

Thanks xxx Yeah sure you can, and my passwords oldfritz2

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart* has signed out.**

_**Wurst-of-greatness has signed out.**_

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart* has signed in.**

_**Wurst-of-greatness has signed in.**_

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

Thanks Liech! G2G see u later!"

_**Wurst-of-greatness:**_

Bah bai! *heart*

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart* has joined another conversation.**

_**Music is part of the soul:**_

Oh please, please, please let me see the video!

_**ooh you touch my tralala~ mmm my ding ding dong~:**_

No, you have to be a part of our club to see it!

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

And once you see it I KNOW you're going to delete it because you wouldn't KNOW about the videos unless either Gilbert or Ludwig told you!

_**Music is part of the soul:**_

Okay I'll become part of your club!

_**Cherry-blossoms-in-the-spring:**_

Not just anyone can become a member of the club! If you're a member then you have ultimate power to all videos, which includes deleting them! We can't trust you!

_**Stay off my land. I mean it! Has signed in.**_

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

What club is this?

_**ooh you touch my tralala~ mmm my ding ding dong~:**_

Oh my darling Liechtenstein, it's a club for people who enjoy watching and sharing porn of course ;) you can join too if you like.

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

Really, oh I would love to!

_**Stay off my land. I mean it!:**_

WHAT!? SISTER WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!?

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

What does it look like Switzerland, I'm joining a porn club :P

_**Stay off my land. I mean it!:**_

NO!!! I FORBID IT!!! What have are you four done to my darling innocent sister!?

_**Music is part of the soul:**_

We haven't done anything, I swear!

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

Maybe I'm just sick of having a controlling emotional wreck for a brother and want some independence from you, you tight bastard! Hahahaha!

_**Stay off my land. I mean it!:**_

TAKE THAT BACK!!!

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

Sometimes I think you just don't love me brother :( you never buy expensive things for me and you always shout a lot and shoot people I talk to T-T

_**Stay off my land. I mean it!:**_

I'm sorry I'm sorry! All I ever wanted to do was make you happy! I didn't know I was such a horrible brother! I was just trying to protect you! D: IF YOU WANT EXPENSIVE THINGS THEN WE'LL GO SHOPPING RIGHT NOW AND GET YOU ALL THE EXPENSIVE THINGS YOU WANT!!

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

AND not try to shoot my friends if they stand near me?

_**Stay off my land. I mean it!:**_

YES!!

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

AND let me visit people's houses and go places WITHOUT your permission?

_**Stay off my land. I mean it!:**_

YES WHATEVER YOU WANT!

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

Thank you brother! ILU! *heart*

_**Stay off my land. I mean it!:**_

I'll go to the bank right now and get lots of money, be back soon!

_**Stay off my land. I mean it! Had just signed out.**_

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

So about this porn club, can I join right now?

_**ooh you touch my tralala~ mmm my ding ding dong~:**_

Yeah sure, here's a link to our account *link* and Austria your blocked from that link so don't even think about clicking on it.

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

OH MY GOD EVERYTHING IS BEING DELETED!!

_**Cherry-blossoms-in-the-spring:**_

WHAT!? NOOOOOOOO! Liechtenstein, what are you doing!?

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

HAHAHAHAHAHA! You really think Liechtenstein would talk like that to her brother!? You've all been awesomely defeated in your evil plot!

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

GILBERT YOU LITTLE SHIT I AM GOING TO CUT YOUR FUCKING BALLS OFF!!

_**Music is part of the soul:**_

Watch your language darling! You are a lady, not a commoner! D:

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!!:**_

Sorry, I forgot you were here :( you're right of course darling husband, he is not worth my time and the profanities from my mouth and I should ignore him.

_**FRYING PAN OF DOOM AND YAOI!!! Sent you a private message:**_

_YOUR SO FUCKING DEAD, I AM GOING TO SLOWLY TORTURE AND MAKE YOU SCREAM AND SCREAM UNTILL I GET SICK OF YOUR SCREAMING AND RIP YOUR THROAT OUT WITH KNIFE!!_

_**Music is part of the soul sent you a private message:**_

_YOU RUINED MY CHANCES OF SEEING THAT VIDEO YOU BASTARD, I'M GOING TO TIE YOU UP TO A SPIKED CHAIR AND BURN YOU ALIVE!!_

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart*:**

Aaaaww, you 2 are so sweet ignoring me like that :D

**Ilovemyswissbigbrother*heart* had signed out**

Wow, what an accomplished day! Not only did he delete the videos but he helped Liechtenstein get treated better by her brother and greatly pissed of Hungary and Austria!

"West, I did it!" He called out. Germany appeared at the top of the stairs and sighed.

"Thank god."

Somebody knocked on the door, which made them both jump. Gilbert hesitated, wondering whether to open it. It was either Hungary about to torture him, Austria about to burn him or Liechtenstein. Thankfully when he opened it, it was Liechtenstein holding several pots of hair dye.

"Hi Gilbert!" she almost sang, "Guess what just happened! I was just logging off when my brother came out of nowhere to took me shopping! Look at the lovely dress he got me! It's was so expensive though, and he didn't even seem to mind!" she spun around and showed him her new white, gold laced dress.

"Aaw, your so cute Liech!"

"You didn't say anything to him on my MSN did you?"

"No, of course I didn't! Want to go upstairs and play with gil-bird?"

"Okay." Gilbert took some of the dye out of her hands and they both walked upstairs, "Can we dye him multicoloured this time?" she asked.

"Definitely!"

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**Well it does say in Prussia's CD that he likes cute things :P and Liechtenstein is _really_ cute so it would be impossible for them not to be friends (Well in my mind anyway :D). and lastley OMG PLZ REVEIW! _*bets no-one gets the joke because they didn't read the long bit at the top XD*_**


	8. The list part one

**I GOT 11 REVIEWS!! Aaaw, I love you guys for reviewing, you're the best! I love you all forever! Please don't kill me for writing this chapter, and don't say I didn't warn you for the extreme perv :P lets just call it fanservice. And did you know I've been spelling Roderich's name wrong all along? It ends with rich, not rick. Weird Austrian names XD There may be a few spelling mistakes :P**

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To say that night Gilbert got very little sleep that night, was an overstatement. He got none. He had never noticed it before but that tree outside his window can look awfully like a frying pan if you squint. Not to mention when the heating in his room stared spluttering and dyeing like it did every night, it sounded like someone was crawling though his pipes, most likely about to kill him. He would have got up and gone into Germanys room but they might both be waiting outside his door, waiting to ambush him. He hid himself under his covers, trying to tell himself it was all in his mind. Why would they come in the middle of the night to his house to kill him? They were empty threats! Gilbert was having trouble breathing under all the covers but he didn't dare get out from under them. Not to mention he was freezing in just his boxers. Someone should really fix the heating in his room.

"Oh my god, what was that?!" he couldn't help but say aloud as he heard something rustle outside. Half of him wanted to go up to the window and prove that there was nothing there and he was just over reacting and the other half want to disappear into his bed and never come out again. Eventually he drifted off in the early hours of the morning, only to be woken up an hour later.

"Wakey Wakey!"

"Give me 5 more minutes west..." he moaned, turning over. Wait, was it just him or did Ludwig's voice sound way too feminine. Oh shit. Fortunately he rolled onto the floor before the frying pan hit him in the face. Landing with a bump on the floor he screamed.

"WEST! HELP ME! SOMEBODY-"Hungary put her hand over his mouth to stop him.

"Now you don't want to wake you're brother up, do you?" she giggled as she sat down on top of him, "I suppose you're wondering how I got in, aren't you? Surely you should know how much my husband loves Germany? He defiantly loves him enough to steal his keys and make a spare for himself! Hn, sometimes it seems like he loves him more than me, but I don't mind too much because it's quite hot anyway." Elizaveta moved her hand away from gilberts mouth so she could tie his hands to the bedpost.

"You bitch, get off me!"

"Oh shut up." She stuffed one of Roderich's handkerchiefs in his mouth. This was NOT a good situation to be in. He spat the handkerchief out of his mouth, and for the sake of his physical well-being he decided not to shout again. He contented himself with glaring.

"Ah, done!" She looked at her handiwork.

"Can I ask first if you're actually going to kill me this time, because I still have to write my will."

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. Depends on if Austria stops me in time or you meet my demands."

"Demands? You don't usually have demands; usually you just hit me round the face."

"Oh don't worry, I'll still do that." She said picking up her frying pan from the floor and whacking him on the nose.

"OOW-mmfh"

"I told you to keep it down! If you wake Germany up then Roderich won't be able to finish taking pictures of him!"

"Urg, you're joking right?"

"Oh no, you see my dear husband usually disapproves of my _habits, _but when I told him I would let him see all my Germany-related material he agreed to help me with anything I want."

"That's right." Austria smiled from gilberts the now open door, looking as posh as ever, even holding a disposable camera.

"We need to build up my collection again though, after you deleted it all. So we're going to make a deal with you. You help us with the collection and we won't beat you to death." She took a list out of her pocket.

"Of course I only really want the stuff with Ludwig in, but I love my wife so much I'd do anything to make her happy!"

"Aaaw, I love you too honey!" Gilbert wanted to gag as they both hugged each other.

"This is why I never married!"

"I feel sorry for any wife you ever have."

"I feel sorry for everyone on that list."

"They're the least of your worries." The smile on both Roderich and Elizaveta's face at that moment was enough to make Gilbert almost start crying.

"Shall we get stared then?" They both perched themselves on the end of his bed, holding the list out as if it was a royal decree.

"First of all we want you to make out with Ludwig."

"WHAT?!"

"Keep it down!"

"NO, WHAT THE HELL KIND OF MESSED UP LIST IS THIS?!"

"Oh it's not that bad. All you've got to do is kiss him while we film it."

"He's not going to agree with it!"

"He doesn't need to agree with it, he's unconscious!"

"No. I refuse."

"Oh dearest wife, he's refusing, whatever will we do?"

"Oh I don't know, dearest husband. I really don't know."

"I get it, sarcasm. Fine, _I'll do it_."

"Yes! Okay, untie him." Roderich bent down no his knees and loosened Gilberts hands.

"Is it wise to completely untie him?"

"Good point. Ummm... put him over your shoulder so he doesn't escape."

"I won't be able to carry him, he's way too heavy!"

"Are you calling me fat?"

"You drink enough bear to be obese darling."

"But I'm not! I'm not even overweight!"

"I don't know about that, you keep up your habits and soon you'll be rivalling Russia."

"Shut up, you're just trying to freak me out!"

"Yeah, but how can we resist when your reactions are so funny!" Hungary picked Gilbert up and threw him over her shoulder.

"Hey, I'm fragile!"

"Shut up." She purposely hit Gilbert's head on the door as she left the room. Roderich held the door to Ludwig's room open as Elizaveta dumped Gilbert on his bed. Austria locked the door.

"_Go on then."_ She whispered, pulling out a video camera from her pocket. Gilbert reluctantly sat next to his brother. He turned him over slightly so he was facing his direction and moved himself closer. So how should he do this? Completely ignoring the fact he was kissing his _little brother _he decided he would make this as quickly as possible. Closing his eyes, he pressed his lips against Ludwig's. He was about to take them apart when Hungary whispered harshly,

"_DEEPER!"_

So he put his hand up his brother's vest and opened his mouth.

"_Put your hand down his pants_."

"NO!" Gilbert stopped what he was doing and gave her the finger. There was a line he was NOT willing to cross, especially if it was for Hungary's weird obsession. And apparently Austria's.

"_Then at least use more tongue! Do this properly! And I'll tell you when to stop..._"

Gilbert complied and used more tongue. To say it was a weird sensation was probably the second understatement of the day. He tried not to think about it too much. That was when that bitch Hungary did the most stupid thing she could have possibly done.

"HEY GERMANY, WAKE UP!" She yelled, throwing his alarm clock at him. It hit him square in the stomach.

"WHA-WHAT?" Ludwig stammered, bewildered. That was when he realised Gilbert was kissing him.

"It's not what it looks like!" Gilbert panicked. What was he supposed to do!? He did the only thing he could think of, he hit Ludwig in the face.

Fortunately it knocked him unconscious, as he hoped for.

"Why did you just do that!?" Gilbert shouted angrily.

"Because it was funny! And you still need to be punished for your crimes, so I thought it was fitting."

"No, Ludwig!" Austria run up to Germany and pulled him into a hug.

"How could you do that to your poor brother?"

"Oh so I'm allowed to kiss him but not hit him."

"Oh well, we got plenty of footage here anyway!"

"Can I go now?"

"NO! You've got to complete the list!"

"I can complete the list without you there, if I run away I don't doubt your ability to find me and kill me!"

"He has a point. And we do have some other things to do today."

"Fine. Gilbert, we are going to trust you with this camera. If you DARE break it or delete the film we will gorge your eyes out with the end of my frying pan."

"Okay."Gilbert reluctantly took the camera and the list out of Elizaveta hands.

"Lets go darling, I think we should get pie for dinner today."

"I agree, pie sounds delicious."

"I suppose you won't let me have any pie will you?" Gilbert suggested.

"No." Hungary replied as she and her husband left the room. Gilbert sighed. Why was everyone he knew a freak? He went back into his bedroom and put on pair of jeans and a pink shirt. He then looked at the list.

_ recording of Gilbert/Ludwig_

_ Lovino and Antonio together _

_3 __.Get some Ludwig/Feliciano stuff_

_ America a god damn boyfriend, doesn't matter who! He needs to get laid by SOMEONE._

_ Germany to fall in love with me! (Roderich) (Darling that's never going to happen)(Well he could at least call more often!)_

_6. Extra bonus, doesn't really matter what, just make it interesting :P_

"This list is stupid." Half of those things were impossible and never going to happen! First off all, most of the world thought America was an absolute idiot, which he is and he's totally unawesome, and there was no way in hell he would EVER get a boyfriend. Also Romano would never let Spain even touch him, let alone make out with him. And anyway, what the hell did _he_ know about relationships? His idea of 'courting' someone is to throw bus receipts at a girls head until they noticed him. According to Lovino that was a stupid way to get a girlfriend, but that girl should be HONERED she was having bus tickets thrown at her by the awesome him. What he needed was someone who knew how to get people together, was manipulative and devious, and would be willing to help him. At first he thought of Lovino but then remembered that he was supposed to be pairing him up with Spain so that was out of the question. He logged on to MSN to see if anyone online seemed to fit his quota. It seemed Japan was on and he seemed to fit the quota but was unlikely to help him. Oh, what about france?

_**Wurst-of-greatness:**_

Hey fransis :P

_**ooh you touch my tralala~ mmm my ding ding dong~:**_

I can't believe your nerve! Talking to me when you deleted all of Hungary's beautiful material!

_**Wurst-of-greatness:**_

Yeah, sorry about that, but I'll make it up to you! I've got to tell you something important! Can we meet up?

_**ooh you touch my tralala~ mmm my ding ding dong~:**_

Spain and I are going round Italy's house, want to come with?

_**Wurst-of-greatness:**_

Yeah sure!

Of course France would be willing to help him! They were friends, in a way, and Gilbert was sure that Francis would like in on the footage as well.

"Err... Gilbert?"

"Eh?" He turned around to find Ludwig at his door. Gilbert pretended to act casual.

"Did you just... have you... been in my room at all?

"Oh no, I've been sitting in my room all morning! Why?."

"I don't know I just...It must have been a dream. Weird." Ludwig started to leave the room but Gilbert grabbed his arm.

"Wait!"

"What?"

"I think you should call Roderich!"

"Why?"

"Eerr.. because..." _Because he's threatening to kill me if you don't _"...Because you haven't called him in ages and I wouldn't want you to stop being friends, since you used two have such a _special relationship_."

"But if I call him he'll try to talk to me for hours!"

"Well, think about it." _Please, please call him! _"Oh and I'm going to Italy's house today, want to come with me?" _Oh god, please come, this will be so much harder if you don't._ Ludwig smiled and nodded before leaving the room. Yes! He might actually be able to complete this list!

**

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**

God, I was going to put this as a bonus because there is only like, 5 msn posts XD but then I decided that it doesn't really matter because a chapter is a chapter! This was originally about 3500 so I decided to cut out the last bit and put it into the next chapter which will hopefully be soon. And err... please review (although I'm scared to say this because I have no idea of the responses I may get :P)


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